UniTEd

I Sometimes Wish I’d Never Been Born at All.

I wish I were somewhere else. I’m trying not to be depressed, but sometimes I don’t even think it’s about depression. Like, I was a better person till I reached twenty. Like, I’ve never been depressed. I’ve been more paranoid, which brings up recurring stress that ruins my life. I just wish I didn’t think so much, damn it. And I want to stop using curse words too. That’s just unlady-like and gross. Why can’t I be the amazingly confident and optimistic girl that I used to be?

I guess it’s all about who you know and who you hang out with too. Like, now it’s hard to trust anyone to be your friend, especially girls. Sometimes I just loathe girls. They’re so annoying and ugghhh! Then guys are more simple and waayyy easier to hang out with. But then they can get nervous and not be themselves around you. Like, could life be anymore complicated or annoying? 

How bout God? How am I supposed to believe in you? There’s no way you exist... and if you do, I’m sure you’re already aware that you are the biggest hypocrite and asshole in the world. Spirit? What spirit do you have, than to put it into the torture of what you’ve created? You’re the mind-games expertise. You’re nothing to me. Pretty sure it’s written in the Bible that man is dust and dies dust, those are strong words, even coming from barbarians. And how are barbarians even eligible to have a religion or a relationship with God? What’s going on?  I believed in Santa Claus and I believed in you. But then I found out that Santa Claus and even the easter bunny were false heroes. And you, how long do I and everyone else have to wait to finally find out that you too are false? That you too take away our child-like faith? You’re just a ruiner. 

I don’t know how much harder I have to try anymore. How much faith can one person have? How much willpower? And I’m not playing the victim... I’m always looking up with optimism into the face of evil.

“If there’s any love in me, don’t let it show. OH! And if there’s any love in me... don’t let it grow.”

-NOAH AND THE WHALE